Formula for a successful horror flick.

1. Take good-looking, 30-something actor and actress, give them trendy, MTV haircuts and wardrobe. EDIT: Cast them as teen-agers.

2. Add a handful of attractive, but not overly famous or recognizable 30-something "teens" to the mix.

3. Insert into ridiculous situation that would never happen in the real world, as even the biggest fucking idiots in the real world have enough common sense to avoid, oh, say a large, creepy guy tossing what looks like a body down a pipe out in the middle of the country despite a desire to go "investigate."

"Are you okay? Is anyone down there?"
No. You idiot. It was a DEAD body. You don't usually see psychopaths going to the trouble of wrapping up people who are still alive.

4. Figure out a way for two of the hot extras to get naked.

5. Kill them in the most grotesque and gory (albeit, far-fetched and ridiculous) manner you can think of from your cushy Corinthian leather chair in Holywood.

6. Have the up-until-now-unintelligent main characters figure out the immensely complex mystery that, although the villain is merely a sick fucking psychopath, he is really trying to teach society a lesson of some kind in his own diabolical way.

7. The retards find a way to kill the bad guy in a way that saves the day, yet leaves backdoor open for even gayer sequel next summer (read; Final Destination - nothing "final" about it. Where's Death when I need him - half an hour into that tripe?)

8. Annoyingly trendy stars fall in love.

9. Don't forget the TRL soundtrack and special edition remixed music video at the end of the credits.



That shit is all the same. It's not that it scares me, but that the characters are all so stupid that it pisses me off. They shouldn't call them horror films. They should call them rage-inducing films.