2GNT.com Forums - Viewing topic - Rules For Ordering Pizza For Pick-up

Originally posted by dsmmyth
Some guy posted this on another one of my forums, and I thought I'd share. It is firsthand and not pawned off someone else. I feel it is necessary to state what people need to stop fucking doing when they order fucking pizza. I have not officially said where I work, but from the couple of comments people have left about where they live, I would say there is a very good chance that one of you fuckers have had a pizza made by me. So for the love of all that is holy follow these rules or I will probably kill you. If you are coming through the drive-thru- 1) Put on pants. If I wanted to see cottage cheese I'd open my goddamn fridge. Just because the window stops at your meaty shoulders doesn't mean that I can't see below your waist. I can't tell you how many people come to the drive through with no fucking pants on. One guy (I kid you not) had a wash cloth draped over his wang like a fucking loincloth. 2) Don't laugh when I give you your penny for your change. EVERYONE laughs when I give them their penny if that is all they have for change. They all give me this chuckle like "Ha, a penny. What can this buy?". Stop laughing because we both know that if you didn't get every cent of change that was coming your way, you'd hop out of your car and shit right on the driveway. Shut the fuck up and take your fucking coins without a damn laugh. 3) Don't add shit after you pay for your food. Don't act like it is a fucking accident that you forgot to ask for the garlic butter sauce until after you paid for your food. We both know that you planned on this from the moment you hung up the phone and your bitch wife bitched that you forgot her dipping sauce. "Don't worry, I have a plan" you told the whore. Then you got in your piece of shit car and drove away without putting on pants. 4) No one cares that your windows don't open. If your windows don't open, fine. Whatever, I don't care. But don't make a show out of you climbing out of your car. We see you. We don't need you jutting your leg out like you're a whore looking for a ride to Las Vegas. I don't need you to wave your hands at your car like you're a fucking aircraft parking attendant. Just get out, leave the door open a bit, and give me the damn money. 5) Stop rolling up your windows. Jesus Christ. I ask for their name, they roll up their window. I come back to tell them the total, they roll it down. I take their money, they roll it up. I return with change, they roll it down. I leave to get the food, they roll it up. I return, they roll it down. And each time I am gone I am literally 1/2 a second away. I never leave their sight. Leave your fucking window down and let me live my life. 6) We are not a KFC. Stop asking. The proclamations of the restaurant name all over the fucking building should tell you otherwise. 7) Pull the fuck around. If you are early and there is someone waiting in line behind you, pull the fuck around. No one wants to wait while we bake your breadsticks. 8) Fuck you. Fuck you. 9) You were waiting for 8 seconds, leave your car on. Look at you, Mr. Earth Friendly. You're saving gas by turning off your car while waiting for your pizza with cheese in the crust. Now we have to wait while you gather your thoughts before spinning the key half a turn. You have actually helped in ruining your engine. Good for you. 10) You don't need to get THAT fucking close to the building. Jesus Christ! I don't need to wait for three hours while you play Mr. Driving Instructor and getting within a retard's smile of scrapping your car against the damn building. I have personally watched three cars in my career smear their paint job all over the wall of the building because they needed to be a little closer. 11) On the flip side, my arms are only so long. Don't park your car five feet from the damn window and act like an asshole when I can't reach you. One time I got pissed and just climbed out of the window to give the guy his food because he was getting all pissy that I wasn't Inspector Fucking Gadget and couldn't extend my arms. 12) Hold on to your fucking change. Every single customer does this. I give them their change and they just hold their hands out like a fucking table. The slightest breeze will send their dollars flying into the wind. I'll pretend like I care, but I really don't give a shit. Go chase it yourself. And there is a good chance I'll see where it lands. After my shift I'm going to go get it. I'll go buy porn with it.