I know you've seen them. They're popping up everywhere. You know, those newfangled hubcaps that have the spinning gizmos on them that keep on spinning when the car has stopped? I hate them.

I am, uh, y'know, middle aged. Learned to drive back in the early 70's. I'm careful, courteous and I use my turn signal. Boring? Hell, NO! I've simply learned that "nice drivers" live longer. Until now.

Somewhere along the line, my brain has taught my slowly degrading eyeballs to subtly monitor the other vehicles with which I am sharing the road. For example, almost subconsciously I sense brake lights several vehicles ahead and anticipate a slow down by removing my foot from the gas pedal. Sense flashing lights in the sideview mirror? The 18-wheeler next to me might be trying to change lanes, so I'll slow down a bit. No real concentration involved -- simply a set of conditioned reflexes related to evasive actions which I've developed over the years behind the wheel. I've always considered them assets. No more.

My reflexes have suddenly become deadly foes. All because of spinny hubcaps.

You see, my reflexes tell me that WHEN A CAR IS NOT MOVING, ITS WHEELS ARE ALSO NOT MOVING!!!! Conversely, IF THE WHEELS ARE GOING 90MPH, THE FU&*(%$# CAR IS NOT SITTING STILL!!!! WHEELS TURNING = MOVING CAR. Simple.

HA!

Last week, I was travelling on the service road, through a major freeway intersection. To my left, a U-Turn lane allowed cars from the opposite side to merge with oncoming traffic in my lane. These cars normally yield to such oncoming traffic (i.e., ME). As I proceeded forward, I caught sight of a car to my left failing to yield, and about to barrel into my lane. Instinctively, I veered sharply to my right to avoid being hit (causing the car immediately to my right to veer sharply to ITS right, ad nauseum). Problem was, the offending car HAD yielded. Its hubcaps had not. (My abject apologies to those I almost killed by trying to avoid this near-collision with a stationary vehicle). I don't normally make sudden lane changes without signalling, and I completely understand your desire to curse and wave at me with your middle fingers).

Today was the final straw. I was standing on the sidewalk bordering my office building's parking lot. Landscaping bushes behind me and parking spaces in front. Suddenly, and without warning, a vehicle turned sharply into the very parking space adjacent to where I was standing. In a moment of panic, I realized that the car WAS NOT GOING TO STOP. THE WHEELS WERE TURNING TOO FAST! I WOULD BE NAILED! I did what any normal, middle-aged, red-blooded American woman would do when the urges for survival and self-preservation kick in.

I jumped head-first into the bushes.

There were several people in the parking lot. All they saw was a normal-looking woman suddenly go bug-fu&%%$@ nuts, scream, and dive into a ligustrum, and come out cursing about hubcaps.

So, please, young people with small foreign cars (or sparkly-painted pickups) -- do not buy spinny hubcaps. They are evil and they are scaring innocent old women and making them do stupid things. If you want to drive a "cool" car and get noticed, take a clue from my generation and do something truly revolutionary......

Get Glasspaks!!

*EDIT - For the newcomers that dont know me from the old pits, I thought it was more than obvious that I wasnt the author of this. Most of the oldtimers would of known this automatically.

Originally posted by Weezle745
All they saw was a normal-looking woman suddenly go bug-fu&%%$@ nuts, scream, and dive into a ligustrum, and come out cursing about hubcaps.

wait a sec. Your profile says your name is james. Who typed that story? very entertaining though.

Originally posted by eclpsmoneypit95

Originally posted by Weezle745 All they saw was a normal-looking woman suddenly go bug-fu&%%$@ nuts, scream, and dive into a ligustrum, and come out cursing about hubcaps.

wait a sec. Your profile says your name is james. Who typed that story? very entertaining though.

Originally posted by eclpsmoneypit95

Originally posted by Weezle745 All they saw was a normal-looking woman suddenly go bug-fu&%%$@ nuts, scream, and dive into a ligustrum, and come out cursing about hubcaps.

wait a sec. Your profile says your name is james. Who typed that story?

It doesn't matter who typed it, they're right, those things are annoying as hell.

I agree.

My thoughts are this (and keep in mind, if I offend, remember, these are MY PERSONAL THOUGHTS):

Spinners, the maltese cross, and OCC are now the white trash calling signs. I used to think that NASCAR stuff was it, maybe the Confederate flag and Harley Davidson stickers on the car.

I know that SOME of the Harley Davidson sticker people have the bike, but if you don't own the damn bike, don't sport the goddamn sticker!

I'm just stating my opinions based on where I go to college, and with the meth-head white trash townie folk in this area, this is what I think.

white trash all the way ... autozone has some for like 19.99 .. every redneck in town has them, terrible site

I'm sorry, but if I could make old people jump in the bushes everytime I go to park, I'd be owning me a set of spinners......on my other car, not the eclipse. Man, that's almost as funny as having a train horn in your car and scaring the shit out of people. LOL

I love them. Why? Because every night we see a old station wagon at the walgreens with a set of them on. What do we do? We take a ride by, have someone hop out, and POP, off comes one or two of the hubcaps. We always leave them laying there, and a few nights later we always see that car there again with them back on. Great for a few laughs.

Originally posted by EclipseSix
I love them. Why? Because every night we see a old station wagon at the walgreens with a set of them on. What do we do? We take a ride by, have someone hop out, and POP, off comes one or two of the hubcaps. We always leave them laying there, and a few nights later we always see that car there again with them back on. Great for a few laughs.

User Menu -> Edit Your Preferences -> Make signature editable for each post? "NO"

Originally posted by CarbonFiberRST

Originally posted by EclipseSix I love them. Why? Because every night we see a old station wagon at the walgreens with a set of them on. What do we do? We take a ride by, have someone hop out, and POP, off comes one or two of the hubcaps. We always leave them laying there, and a few nights later we always see that car there again with them back on. Great for a few laughs.

User Menu -> Edit Your Preferences -> Make signature editable for each post? "NO"

What are you talking about? His signature preferences are just fine.

Originally posted by 95_ESi_Person

Originally posted by CarbonFiberRST

Originally posted by EclipseSix I love them. Why? Because every night we see a old station wagon at the walgreens with a set of them on. What do we do? We take a ride by, have someone hop out, and POP, off comes one or two of the hubcaps. We always leave them laying there, and a few nights later we always see that car there again with them back on. Great for a few laughs.

User Menu -> Edit Your Preferences -> Make signature editable for each post? "NO"

What are you talking about? His signature preferences are just fine.

psh, look at that sexy baby, way sexier than any 2g, you guys are just hatin now.

LOL!

first thing i thought though was wtf, weezle the little skinny asian dude is an old woman from the 70's? you hide it well!

:P

I wish I knew how to put camera phone pictures online, because I took one of an Econovan with like 18" real spinners.