Got this in an Email,Something for everyone





I dont mind going to work but that 8 hour wait to go home is a bitch!

I didnt say it was your fault, I said I was going to Blame YOU!

When your Gecko is broken, you have reptile dysfunction

I'd tell you to go to hell but I work there and i dont want to see you everyday.

I'm ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar

Silence is golden, Ductape is silver

I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad,
I take something for it.

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Except that one where you're naked in church.


Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.


Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!


Welcome to Utah
Set your watch back 20 years.


A bartender is just a pharmacist
with a limited inventory



I may be schizophrenic,
but at least I have each other.

I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.

KENTUCKY:
Five million people,
Fifteen last names.

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

Dyslexics Have More Nuf.

I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.

Preserve the Spotted Owl
(in formaldehyde)


Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.


I like cats too.
Let's exchange recipes.

Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

I am having an out-of-money experience.


As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate.
Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"

Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather,
not screaming like the passengers in his car.

LOL.

Flying is the act of throwing oneself at the ground while intending to miss. -Douglas Adams

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I'm schizophrenic.
And so am I.

If you're not obviously crazy, the government can replace you with a robot some night and nobody would ever notice.

I prefer ThinkGeek's T... (Obviously not with regards to Driggs, Sorry B.)

Originally posted by DR1665
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
And all my base,
Are belong to you...

wat

Originally posted by Uberingram
wat

You mean...WAT?

I accidentally the whole thing!

WoW MoM WoW


anyone up for kart wheels?

Originally posted by xcasbonx

Originally posted by Uberingram wat

You mean...WAT?

I usually leave the online yelling for Tim. Because Tim is gay. Really gay.

Originally posted by Uberingram

Originally posted by xcasbonx

Originally posted by Uberingram wat

You mean...WAT?

I usually leave the online yelling for Tim. Because Tim is gay. Really gay.

So GAY.

YELLING YELLING.

YOU DONT WANT TO MESS WITH ME BECAUSE MY CAPS LOCK IS LOUD BITCH!

hilarious

Originally posted by teklein
So GAY. YELLING YELLING. YOU DONT WANT TO MESS WITH ME BECAUSE MY CAPS LOCK IS LOUD BITCH!

Exhibit A.

Back on topic (Am I really saying that? :squint )

1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress.

John Adams


2. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read
the newspaper you are misinformed.

Mark Twain


3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself.

Mark Twain


4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is
like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.

Winston Churchill


5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

George Bernard Shaw



6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man,
which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.

G Gordon Liddy


7. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.

James Bovard , Civil Libertarian (1994)


8. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor
people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University



9. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

P.J. O'Rourke , Civil Libertarian


10. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.

Frederic Bastiat , French Economist (1801-1850)


11. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.

Ronald Reagan (1986)


12. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

Will Rogers


13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it
costs when it's free!

P.J. O'Rourke


14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.

Voltaire (1764)


15. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!

Pericles (430 B.C.)


16. No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.

Mark Twain (1866 )


17. Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it.

Anon


18. The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy
appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other

Ronald Reagan


19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.

Winston Churchill


20 The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

Mark Twain


21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to
fill the world with fools .

Herbert Spencer , English Philosopher (1820-1903)


22. There is no distinctly native American criminal class...save congress.

Mark Twain


23. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.

Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)


24. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.

Thomas Jefferson