Well I logged into my girlfriends Myspace just to see what she's been up to and wow! Reality Check! Almost doesn't seem real at all. I can't believe some of the stuff I found out. I'm 100% sure we will be breaking up tonight. I sent her a text earlier saying "How truthful and honest are you really being with me?" and have yet to get a reply. We've been together 11 months and now I find this shit out, I'm boiling the fuck over right now! Any suggestions on how one would handle this? The best I've come up with so far is to copy some of the "evidence" and send it to her in an email so she knows I know everything, like to see her try and defend herself against this one.

If its as bad as you make it sound, I suggest you try to be calm, and don't do anything stupid. Think about the consequences it might have bro. Things like this is why I don't have anything to do with "networking communities" like myspace. But you need to be completely sure the reason you are breaking up with her is really "worth" (sorry I blanked) breaking up about.

As for the evidence, a picture is worth a thousand words, Print Screen is going to be your friend here. Save screen shots of whatever you may think she wants to deny.

Wish you the best.

Expect her to retaliate by saying something along the lines of "why are you invading my privacy"...however she shouldn't be saying shit behind your back either. Shady business. Spill her the beans and get out of there.

Guess I'll make this a really good post and provide some of the evidence. This is just part of the problem right here.


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: some guy
Date: 06 Nov 2007, 05:18 PM

hey whats up
----------------------------------------------------
Hey nuttin much just chillin. you?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: some guy
Date: 06 Nov 2007, 05:21 PM

bored at my house.were u serious when u texted me that the other day?jw
----------------------------------------------------
wat did i text you??

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: some guy
Date: 06 Nov 2007, 05:23 PM

sayin somethin like i want u.and to come get u and alot of stuff like that.
and then u said well my bf's here
----------------------------------------------------
well i so dont remeber that but i probably ment it when i said it!! lol

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: some guy
Date: 06 Nov 2007, 05:26 PM

oh k.haha.i think u had in mind what we did along time ago.haha
----------------------------------------------------
oh yeah that was a fun night u better still not tell nobody!!

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: some guy
Date: 06 Nov 2007, 05:43 PM

i wont.i wanna do it again sometime.what bout u
----------------------------------------------------
yeah yeah!!

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: some guy
Date: 06 Nov 2007, 06:31 PM

oh k.u wanna do the samething as last time
----------------------------------------------------
sure!! hey when is the game?? is it friday night here??

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: some guy
Date: 06 Nov 2007, 06:38 PM

its friday at 7 and its a home.u wanna text me sometime .
yeah i think ill do what i did to u for a lil bit longer this time
-----------------------------------------------------
boi thats all you want huh??

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: some guy
Date: 06 Nov 2007, 06:45 PM

naw.haha.so what u doin this weekend
----------------------------------------------------
um i think im gunna go to the game friday!
but do you even like me or do you just want that i mena ur gunna get it either way just be
truthful



I'm not going to go do anything stupid, but I do really need to calm down though. Posting the situation on here has helped a little. Looks like it's just me and my 2g again for awhile, at least she'll never cheat on me.

you what would kill her beside two cold hands around her neck? Giver her back all her shit along with all the evidence you find. Don't say a word to her. Tell her it's done, this is your closure and never look back. No phone calls, no small talk, no hate sex, just done.

Originally posted by DSMRoadster
no hate sex, just done.

i disagree, i would have sex with her one last time and then when your done, print that paper, throw it in naked face and tell her to get the fuck out of your house (or car) and never call or talk to you again.

sometimes, i wish i could have done this to a girl once, but i never got the chance.

damnit.

sorry for the bad news though.

i frequently check my wife's myspace page too, i hate that fucking website.

i wish i knew how to fuck up things on computers or something because i would love to blow that site the fuck up.

ohh snap!
that sux man.
I say "superman her" but with the print out instead of the seets and then tell her to GTF out! :)

Man thats shitty.... i'd leave her ass with a quickness. but its like ive always told myself though.... id rather have my car over some bitch. its not gonna cheat on me or pack its shit up and move out cause its pissed... it may be stressful, but at least when you focus on your car you get back everything you put into it.

I honestly wouldn't do anything with the evidence or even admit you've seen it. She's going to use that as a platform to make it your fault, that you don't respect her and whatnot.

This is one of many reasons I deleted my Myspace account. I believe all girls whore it up on there one way or another. If that's what you're looking for, fine. But, if I ever date again, the absence or complete transparency of online dating site accounts will be a requirement.

This is the exact reason why my ex-wife and i got divorced stupid sluts.
Video tape banging her then send it to the guy two weeks later after you throw the evidance in her face and kick her out. HAHA! Make sure you do something totally degrading in the video. But seriously she's not the girl for you, move on and find someone with a soul.

So, what from I understand she had an encounter with this dude before, and is wanting to do it again...only this time, make it last longer.

Then towards the end, she wants to know if "he" wants to get serious instead of just the sex?

Is that right?

Anyways, that's messed up. Who knows what was going on before you found out...

Make sure you degrade her as much as possible and make her feel like total shit, theres nothing worse than a whorin' bitch...you should also find that guy and beat his ass. Next worse thing to a whorin' bitch is a tool that knowingly fucks your girl...and if she gets pissy about you looking at her shit, just blame it on Joey Greco. Sorry to sound so immature, but, I have had a shitty past.

Originally posted by red96rs
at least when you focus on your car you get back everything you put into it.

Except for all the money LOL

Ok you got me there you loose the money... but hell with a chick you loose the money just as fast with less to show for it :)

Originally posted by eclipse982nrRST
i wish i knew how to fuck up things on computers or something because i would love to blow that site the fuck up.

My new favorite quote. Amen.

Hmm the idea of fucking her, then throwing that shit in her face right when YOU are done, sounds pretty damn awesome.

But in all seriousness, calm yourself down. I know how you feel, it just happened to me last year, and this past year I have done everything I want to my car, go figure :shrug Unlike women, when you take care of your car, it will take care of you. Take it like a CIVILIZED man, and think before you act.

Dude if you fuck her and then throw the print outs in her face, tape that shit. That would be the funniest shit I've ever seen. But seriously fuck privacy bullshit. If you and her have been together for almost a year then she wouldn't care if you read what she wrote unless it was something that she knew she shouldn't have done. I would go seperate ways. As far as how I would handle it, I would show her the evidence either after sex or without no sex.

I guess it would be a bad time to let everyone know that my myspace name is "some guy". :P
Yeah, thats kind of fucked up. Granted, if my wife found out some of the shit I say to girls online, she'd have left long ago. I on the other hand think that E-Flirting is perfectly acceptable...

E-Flirting may be, but RL-Fucking/Cheating isn't and its RL for REAL LIFE. From the contents of those documents, she already did it atleast once, or maybe twice depending of when those where written.

just walk away and go fuck her sister...or her mom.

Originally posted by EcLIpsInEmCEe7
just walk away and go fuck her sister...or her mom.

Ditto man.

Give 'er the ol' angry pirate :thumbsup

Or, fuck her sister and her mom at the same time. thats worth like at least 10 points.

I've been in similar situations in the past. Do yourself a favor, cut the ties and be done. Be the big man and let karma exact it's own punishment. To do otherwise would lower you to that same level, IMO. Either way, I wish you the best of luck.

Okay, I'm stepping in late, but I have to give you my comments because I consider myself to be a male's advocate. It's a necessary role to play because women have lost all sense of decency and responsibility in this country.

I know this hurts/fuckings sucks, but consider yourself lucky. You found out the truth about women. No, not all women are like this - but MANY are. You now have the upper hand. Use that to your advantage.

First thing first, get your head on straight as much as you can - find your own emotional stability right now. Do not go into anything with an emotional state - women are masters at emotional manipulation - if you show weakness here, you are fucked. If you tell her what you did, you are also fucked. The typical woman will take what you did and use it against you. The blame for everything she can think of will be placed at your feet, she will not take responsibility for anything (in fact, she'll twist the whole conversation so that it's not even about her misdeeds, it's what YOU did wrong as a man) and after this conversation of insanity, she will feel like she is justified and guiltless. And you will think afterwards 'wait, what the hell happened, she IS THE CHEATER."

To echo my man's thoughts here:

Originally posted by noboost
I honestly wouldn't do anything with the evidence or even admit you've seen it. She's going to use that as a platform to make it your fault,

DO NOT ADMIT THAT YOU SPIED

Next, make the choice that you are prepared to live with for the rest of your life. Do you want to fuck her over? Or do you just want to shut the door and move on. The choice is yours.

If you decide to mess her up, your choices are almost endless. But make it completely unexpected, make it big enough that it has an impact on her, and make sure you come out of it with more dignity in her eyes than she's probably ever had for you. It will teach her something too.

Originally posted by ez
Okay, I'm stepping in late, but I have to give you my comments because I consider myself to be a male's advocate. It's a necessary role to play because women have lost all sense of decency and responsibility in this country. I know this hurts/fuckings sucks, but consider yourself lucky. You found out the truth about women. No, not all women are like this - but MANY are. You now have the upper hand. Use that to your advantage. First thing first, get your head on straight as much as you can - find your own emotional stability right now. Do not go into anything with an emotional state - women are masters at emotional manipulation - if you show weakness here, you are fucked. If you tell her what you did, you are also fucked. The typical woman will take what you did and use it against you. The blame for everything she can think of will be placed at your feet, she will not take responsibility for anything (in fact, she'll twist the whole conversation so that it's not even about her misdeeds, it's what YOU did wrong as a man) and after this conversation of insanity, she will feel like she is justified and guiltless. And you will think afterwards 'wait, what the hell happened, she IS THE CHEATER." To echo my man's thoughts here:

Originally posted by noboost I honestly wouldn't do anything with the evidence or even admit you've seen it. She's going to use that as a platform to make it your fault,

DO NOT ADMIT THAT YOU SPIED Next, make the choice that you are prepared to live with for the rest of your life. Do you want to fuck her over? Or do you just want to shut the door and move on. The choice is yours. If you decide to mess her up, your choices are almost endless. But make it completely unexpected, make it big enough that it has an impact on her, and make sure you come out of it with more dignity in her eyes than she's probably ever had for you. It will teach her something too.

Exactly, my ex-wife somehow almost got me to believe that what she did was ok and totally turned it around on me. This is called "getting mind fucked". don't allow yourself to get mind fucked as i did.

You could always somehow make it seem that "some guy" has some hardcore std. make her belive it, without her knowing that you know. that would be pretty intence. if i were you, id just say im leaving you because ive been talking to "some girl" on myspace and we want to have sex again at the game on friday. let her figure that one out....

Originally posted by Hedge
if i were you, id just say im leaving you because ive been talking to "some girl" on myspace and we want to have sex again at the game on friday. let her figure that one out....

+1 for you i like that idea... Not only will it give her a taste of "how it feels" but when you say it, she will be like... what the hell just happened? I thought i was going to do that shit to HIM on friday... best way to piss her off and end it all at once.

I do agree however, that just walking away like ^^ said would be the manliest thing to do in this situation. Neither of you would loose "face" as the japanese (sp) call it, and it not going to make you look like an asshat. (although i doubt you are worried about being an asshat at this point.)

just keep cool man like a bunch of the guys mentioned and don't tell her you spied. the way women can manipulate shit is unbelievable. dane cook calls them mental terrorist or brain ninjas and its true if u think about it...somehow most of them end up fucking with your mind
here's the video if anyone is interested. he starts talking about it at 2:40

YouTube.com

Originally posted by Hedge
say im leaving you because ive been talking to "some girl" on myspace and we want to have sex again at the game on friday. let her figure that one out....

+1 to the motherfucking MAX!!!

behold the power of craigslist. this is fucking awesome. not the same situation as this, but the delivery is dead on. good luck man, let us know what happens...

Originally posted by craigslist
I'll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago:

I got a vasectomy.

I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.

I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.

We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.

Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.

At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri.

So I wait a couple of days to "think about all this." I meet her again. I say I don't want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it.

Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I'm laughing hysterically.

It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a "negative test result for sperm" to show I'm sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I'm ready.

I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.

She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?"

Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she's really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she's a slut. I'm just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I'm not really mad. I'm kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won't shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper.

I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.

I tell her simply, "You're screwed".

Her look doesn't change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.

I continue. "I am sterile"

Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women's logic. "You're full of shit. You're trapped and you know it."

I hold up the letter and the test results. "Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine."

This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. "Bullshit, those are fakes."

I was ready for that. "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It's a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine."

I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It's a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing.

I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing.

Epilogue -

I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women.

The Moral of the Story -

Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.

EDIT: formatting

^bahahahahahah. So why was this on Craigslist?

Originally posted by cs82685
^bahahahahahah. So why was this on Craigslist?

*shrug* does craigslist need a reason? i found it through the power of stumbleupon.....

Talk about ObortiBANME!...

I don't know why bu at the end of that story I kind of felt bad for the "woman" and I know thatfeeling shows that I'm vulnerable in someway or another.

I any case, Nightfall should do what ever he feels is fair. Some of us are vengative some of us are not. In theory, and following the principles I was thought, I should tell him to just "Walk away with your dignity" but I also have that mexican machismo in my, that just wants to get some sweet payback.

Rule #1 - Myspace is a playground for whores and morons. Period.
Rule #2 - If you, or anyone you know, types like this, smash them in the head with a fucking brick. People who post like this are inherently worthless. To engage in a relationship with someone who types like this is just asking for trouble.

Anyone who spells "boy" with an "i" should be thrown into a wood chipper, Fargo-style.

Originally posted by Nightfall
Original Message ----------------- From: some guy Date: 06 Nov 2007, 06:38 PM its friday at 7 and its a home.u wanna text me sometime . yeah i think ill do what i did to u for a lil bit longer this time ----------------------------------------------------- boi thats all you want huh??

Take Gadkins advice. He knows his shit. Cut ties, walk the fuck out, do not even talk or email her. Let he wonder, forever, what happened. She'll never know and it will drive her mad.

But please, PLEASE, get off the Myspace.

EDIT:
I should have taken my own advice and stuck to it. My account over there has been deleted --- again. No need to keep it up. That's what this place is for.

Originally posted by DR1665
Rule #1 - Myspace is a playground for whores and morons. Period. Rule #2 - If you, or anyone you know, types like this, smash them in the head with a fucking brick. People who post like this are inherently worthless. To engage in a relationship with someone who types like this is just asking for trouble. Anyone who spells "boy" with an "i" should be thrown into a wood chipper, Fargo-style.

Originally posted by Nightfall Original Message ----------------- From: some guy Date: 06 Nov 2007, 06:38 PM its friday at 7 and its a home.u wanna text me sometime . yeah i think ill do what i did to u for a lil bit longer this time ----------------------------------------------------- boi thats all you want huh??

Take Gadkins advice. He knows his shit. Cut ties, walk the fuck out, do not even talk or email her. Let he wonder, forever, what happened. She'll never know and it will drive her mad. But please, PLEASE, get off the Myspace. EDIT: I should have taken my own advice and stuck to it. My account over there has been deleted --- again. No need to keep it up. That's what this place is for.

Driggzo always seems to make my day!


On a serious not, Gadkins is right 110%. It is probably the hardest thing you could do but if you follow through you will come out 100% in the end.

I recently got out of a 4 year relationship and let me tell you I wish I would have just left that stupid beeyotch alone and let her do whatever the fuck she wanted. I'm single and having the time of my life now but because I wouldnt leave her alone, I was miserable for a good 5 months.

"Time heals all wounds, unless you pick at them" Take that to heart brother.


Handle yourself with dignity and class. Best of luck to you and your situation man.

Best thing you can do is just walk away. Don't say anything to her, don't call her, don't return her phone calls. Just seem to vanish from her fucked up existence she deems is suitable to call "life". Walk away with your pride, and your honor. Don't fuck her one last time, don't let her convince you it's your fault, or that she was just joking. You already know what happened, there is no need for her to confirm it with you. I've been on the other end of that, and I didn't heed my own advice that I'm giving now. It's a hard thing to do in an emotional and hectic situation. Keep your cool and go on with your life. It's better that it happened now, than later when she suckers you into marriage and kids. Then she fucks some other guy, and still takes half of your shit, and makes you pay for the kids. You didn't get a disease, you didn't get her pregnant, your free. No more lies, no more drama, your free to continue in your pursuit of happiness.. err.. ur free to date other girls, leave it at that.. forget the happiness part, that probably won't happen while a girl is involved.

In fact, I was the other guy of the story not to long ago.. and you know what.. it sucks in hindsight. If he has any morals or conscious he will know what he did was wrong. If not, he's a piece of shit, and let them cheat on each other till they get sick of it and move on to cheating on someone else.

honestly, the solution here is simple.

walk away quietly. no hysterics, no "oh my god I hate you and now I'm going to fucking play Dashboard Confessional until my ears bleed," no one-last-time-anger sex, nothing. zip. zilch. nada. just return anything that's hers (all of it) and get what's yours back (hint: none of it) and be done with it. the surest way to really win any sort of conflict is in forgiveness and the absolute absence of memory. when she tosses out the inevitable questions about working it out, or trying again, or ANYTHING for that matter, just use the best response ever:

"this relationship no longer serves a purpose." that's it. nothing more. no name-calling, no mentions of parental-coital retribution, nothing else. "this relationship no longer serves a purpose." if you want to add some venom to it, then add in a sincere "I hope we each find what we're looking for." after that, delete her. any sort of link you have to her, eradiate it. Myspace, facebook, livejournal, hardslutswhotakeitinthebutt.com, whatever... gone.

personal experience: I did this and it worked. I (stupidly) dated a girl who dumped me TWICE for ugly lesbians (long story, I'm a retard, let's move on) and I, being stupid, took her back. Third time? That was it. Totally excused myself from her life. Removed all references to her, removed all communications to her, changed my phone number (not needed, but I *was* feeling rather dramatic at the moment), and just wandered right along with my life. Best. Decision. Ever.

she messaged me on myspace the other month.. told me how she missed me and hopes my new girlfriend is "truly deserving" of me. surprised me because I figured she wasn't keeping up.. guess she was.

I win.

I would preset her what you found and after she tries to cover ass, tell her to get and never come back. Do it without emotion and dont retaliate. Fucking her one last time is a mistake, trust me I know. She will ask you if you love her and how could you do this, just tell her its over like a broken record.

Retaliation is a childish response

Terry

Thank you to all who have responded, reading those posts really helped me think about the situation from a different view. I have remained calm and stayed cool about it, not revealing what I did. After work yesterday I went for a long drive, just to think and try to figure this whole mess out. Got home and checked my missed calls, 8 missed-all from her. Oh well, she knows I don't answer the phone when I'm driving cause I don't hear it(so she thinks lol). Not even 5 minutes pass and the phone rings so I answer it. Throughout the entire conversation I never raised my voice or tried to argue, long story short, I told her that I could no longer trust her. She knew I wasn't telling her everything I knew, I kept asking her if there was anything she wanted to talk about and if she was absolutley sure. She just got more bent out of shape and pissed off and kept asking what did she do and who told me lol, and I kept replying"like you don't know?" Called her a whore and she really blew up and I busted out laughing. After knowing what she did and the response I got back from calling her that, was just fucking awesome! She wanted to come get her stuff right then but I told her I didn't want to see her and that I would drop her shit off by her house today sometime. Going to take it when she's not there too. There is NO chance at all of repairing this relationship, it is over. Sad but true. Now for some great news that just came at just the right time!! One of my ex-girlfriends friends(not the latest ex lol) has been texting me on occasion asking what I've been doing and saying how she missed seeing me and how bored she was going to be after work. Hell she even asked me to send her a pic of my car one time and complimented it saying it was sexy and she always loved my car and that I should take a pic standing next to it and send to her. Well I've been holding off temptations left and right of hooking up with her because I had a gf at the time, well guess what? I'm going over there tonight. Probobly drop my ex's shit off on the way over. Nothing, I mean NOTHING is better than make-up sex....with someone else! I hope, can't wait to see what the night brings. I'm supposed to call her when I get off work, going to take her out to dinner.:)

and here we were hoping for humiliating pics :)...
glad you ended it man..

that's the spirit. good for you man.

Originally posted by gadkins1974
I win.

You win, sir. You most definitely win.

You should've hung up calmly after saying "I no longer trust you" That would have been SUPER DUPER prairie dog dramatic right there broham. I'm glad you are already doing better. And remember what it says in the Bible: "... Bro's before Ho's" It might have been J.C. himself who said that. ;)

do something like this.

"Dear Elizabeth,

Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L" for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about". You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.

To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't F**k him" somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight.

The good news for you is that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blond who commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector. I could be wrong but, it's pretty hard to respect some B&T chick who comes out to spend the night at my place even though she's seeing someone else in New jersey and winds up tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up with for a hand job in the men's room. The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last Saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened.

By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.

PS. I BCC'd about 100 people on this email.
Talk to you never,

Brad"

I saw this on tucker max's site. i lol'd.