This is a long story, if you read nothing else, read the conversation transcript and the last paragraph.

I live in a pretty crappy area. There's nothing but cornfields, some big houses, an old town and a highway; pretty dull. Just south of our town of Bolivar resides the ultimate in rice kingdom's. Now, before you pass this off as another "stupid ricer" story, let me tell you... I don't discriminate because of someone's car, I don't car if it's primed and painted 50 different color's, lame chrome wheels or hubcaps or anything, I feel as if the biggest ricer is someone who is just a hater to bring others down. Anyway, I went to this town to get some Taco Bell. On my way home I decide to take a little cruise around town. Passed an Autozone on the main Boulevard where all the "cool people" hang out. I see the usual cars, an older bright green Civic hatch with a black hood, a red civic hatch with a grey fender, black hood and steelies... And a primer grey CRX, which from the best I could tell had a crooked FMIC. I turned around, and decided I wanted to chat with the crew.

Long story short, I rode in a boosted CRX with a supposed "built bottom end" boosting 7 psi with an IHI RHb5 turbo. The driver was a nice kid, but dumb as rocks. The car had 6 gauges in the interior. All the necessary turbo gauges, even a pimp volt meter...Except, none of them were hooked up and none of them matched. Not one, besides the boost gauge. We get back from our ride and me and this d00d's crew ingage in a little talk.

Here's the conversation I had with these kids, I'll refer to them as HondaBoy1-4.

I had a good conversation with this kid with a civic hatch with a stock b16a swap. He was going to be racing a 1g TSi tomrrow. I told him he was going to lose, even when you chime in the HondaBoy power/weight ratio. He got pissed off and left. Another boy chimes in...

HB1: "If you see a black 92-93 style Civic with bright green rims around here, don't even try to touch it."
Me: "Oh, I think I've seen that car around. Why, is it pretty fast?"
HB3: "That thing's pushing like, 7."
Me: "Horsepower? 700 horsepower? What does he have done to it?"
HB3: "Everything."
Me: "Ohh, I see. Turbo then, I'm assuming? I thought I saw a pretty big intercooler on it. But, refresh me again, what does it have done?"
HB2: "It's a Honda. It's fast."
Me: "OOOOHHHHHHH, okay. So my friend's Stealth TT should stay away then.?"
RB1: "Does the Stealth have a body kit? Wheels? Anything? What does it have done?"
Me: "Um, it's a twin turbo v6 pushing 13 pounds of boost. The exterior is stock. No wheels, no body kit, no big intercooler."
HB3: "Well, it can't be a fast turbo without an intercooler."
Me: "There's two."
HB1-4: "Ohhh."
HB1: "Well, what kind of turbo's are on it? It must have twin t4's to be fast enough to beat this car."

It was at that point, I nodded to these kids, turned around; walked away, got in my truck and left. I had always wondered if there were really actually stupid ricers that were reminisent of those from F&F, and in realizing there are... I lost all faith in the human race. Did these kids really think their VTEC was the shit? Did these kids really think that Honda's were racecars? And was it possible that I had lost intelligence just by talking to them? All of the answers were yes. Itmade me realize that it's kid's like this who ruin it for serious tuners and get us laughed at by domestic/muscle drivers, and even our turbo bretheran. I would personally like to thank each and every one of you guys who have helped the people in the 2gnt community learn how to make their cars respectable. Do you think there is any way to regain our credibility amongst the rest of the high-performace world? I sure hope. Because if these DSM/3S trash talking Honda idiots are what is to become of the tuner community, then I'm going to start looking for a new place to live. Thanks for your time guys...

I just give them a thumbs up rolling my eyes gesture.

You should go back there with your buddy in the tastefully sleepy Stealth. Very seriously ask if any of them would race you for their soul. Be sure to be dressed in black and very professional. No joking around. No street thug joe cool talk. Just calmly, and softly, say something like, "You say your car is fast. Would you be willing to bet your eternal soul on that?" Don't let on that it's a joke.

I bet they piss their pants and tell all their friends at (insert president's name here) High School how, "No shit, bra! I'm tellin' you straight up. The devil was at the races last night. He wanted to race ma boy for his soul!"

Originally posted by DR1665
"No shit, bra! I'm tellin' you straight up. The devil was at the races last night. He wanted to race ma boy for his soul!"

HAHA

I think I wet myself :P

Driggs, lol! Where do you come up with this shit?

The respect that we are going to get from domestic car drivers are going to change when they all die...

I met some kid with a gsr swapped civic and he was really cool dude, not cocky, knew his car wasent the corn but fast enough to keep up with some nice cars. If old farts met some kids like thins I think things would change. I say old farts because all of my friends that drive 8cyls can apperciate fast 4cyls(not my car). Where alot of older people that are asscoiated with cars are very arrogent agenst imports and see everyone with a hooked up 4 cyl. a ricer.

WTF Brian...
Thats some funny shit. :thumbsup

Originally posted by eclipzGST
WTF Brian... Thats some funny shit. :thumbsup

:shrug

What can I say? I have a vivid imagination. Sometimes, you just gotta fuck with people and I find that idiot ricer dooshnozzles are easily duped.

Maybe, next time someone revs on you, you should shout over, "Hey, man. I'll race you, but let's pull over into that lot to go over the contract." Heh. What contract?

The one that says I get your immortal soul when I win.

You do that enough times, and I bet people in town start to shy away from you and your car. "Ese! That's the devil's car, homie. Don't fuck with that one! Shit no, cabron! Le's get that Del Sol up the way, na'm sayin'?"

Ahahahaha. That's brilliant.
The aweful thing is, most of the "ricers" around here are Guatamalan's chucking chickens for $2.20/hr. It's a gross generalization, and I don't mean any offence to any Hispanic's at all. But man, these cars can get BAD. there's even a Civic around here with 4 giant fart cans. I'll try to get a pic someday. :-P